#What is and what should never be | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

devilat-thedoor · 7 months ago

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What Is and What Should Never Be Ch 7. pt1

A/N: to everyone who’s waited patiently while i got my shit together and found my motivation, i appreciate you and i hope you’re still with me🩵 the support i’ve received on this story means more than i could ever explain… but things are about to get a little rocky. i love you🫶🏽

Word Count: 9.1k

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, Smut(Unprotected Shower sex, Overstimulation[very briefly], Oral[m rec]), Minor Arguing/Fighting, Alcohol Consumption, Mentions of Death(loss of a parent/parents). If i missed anything, please let me know!

If there was anyone to ever get through this life with their heart still intact, they didn’t do it right.

“Hmm…stop…” You giggled sleepily at the feeling of Jake’s fingers sliding beneath your shirt to poke at your ribs. “Jake, I’m sleeping.”

“Doesn’t sound like you’re sleeping, peach…” His head was on your chest, his legs tangled with your own, “Hey.”

You lifted your head and opened your eyes to find him looking up at you. “Hey.” Giving him a soft smile, you reached to push the hair from his face.

“Good morning, beautiful.” Jake grasped your side and rolled over to pull you on top of him, wrapping his arms around you tightly. “Let’s do something today.” He was studying your face as though he were memorizing every detail. Picking his head up, he pressed his lips to yours for a brief moment. “Anything you want, peach… I just wanna spend all day with you.”

After stealing another kiss from him, you sat up to straddle his waist. “Wait- You’re supposed to open today… What time is it?” When you leaned over to grab your phone from the nightstand, he squeezed his arms around you and flipped you, pinning you down with his body. “Jake!” You squealed, wrapping your legs around his waist, “You’re gonna be late…” You warned, but the way your hands held onto his back made it clear that you didn’t want him to move.

He was kissing along your jaw, smirking at the way your breath caught in your throat. “I called Charlie last night… He’s covering my shift.” He left no room for you to question as he continued spoiling your skin with warm kisses. “So what do you wanna do?”

“Hmm…probably shower first…”

“Shower?” His teeth grazed your collarbone and he chuckled at the gasp that escaped you. “Okay, we can shower… Then what?” He took it upon himself to grasp the hem of your shirt, rising from your body enough to pull the shirt over your head.

You lifted from the mattress as he did so, flopping back down with a giggle. “Umm… Then coffee and breakfast?”

“Done and done.” Jake resumed his position on top of you. “What’s after breakfast, peach?” He latched his mouth onto your breast, sucking at the supple skin.

“Then maybe we c- shit…” Your back arched as he dragged his tongue over your nipple, forcing the skin to pebble. Your mind was swirling at the feeling of his mouth and his hands on you, though you couldn’t help but acknowledge the elephant in the room. “Then… Maybe we talk about last night?”

He froze for a moment before laying his forehead on your chest, releasing a defeated sigh as he replied quietly, “There’s nothing left to talk about, Y/N.” Silence hung between the two of you until he finally lifted his face. It was evident from the look he was giving you that he didn’t want to have another conversation regarding his ex.

Cupping his cheeks, you gave him a sympathetic smile. “I don’t just mean that.” You began to slide out from beneath, pulling yourself into a sitting position, and he followed suit. You rubbed your hands over your face as he raised an eyebrow at you in question. “Jake, do you trust me?” When he began to roll his eyes, you pulled the blanket up to cover your bare chest. “Don’t do that, just-...” You had to laugh a little as he eyed you with annoyance. “Despite the way that you flirt with Olivia and constantly favor her over me, I still trust you.” Slowly, you moved towards him, letting the blanket fall away as you climbed into his lap, “Baby… I just need to know that you believe me when I say that I’m yours. I don’t want Josh- I don’t want anybody that isn’t you.” Pressing a soft kiss to his lips, you felt his body relax.

“I know- I believe you.” His hands begin to roam your body again, skimming your thighs and the length of your spine. “I’m gonna be better, peach, I swear… I’m gonna try.” He held your gaze, his brown eyes soft and vulnerable, and you began to melt into him. “Please tell me that’s enough…”

You nodded your head, twisting your fingers through his soft hair, “It is… It’s more than enough.” Your gentle reassurance brought a small smile to his face and he moved in for another kiss but you jumped up from the bed before he could connect his lips to yours. “What?” You asked when he held his hands out in confusion.

“We were in the middle of something… Come back here.” He was almost whining, though he’d deny that if you called him out on it. Jake crawled to the edge of the bed and reached for your hand, trying to pull you back into the sea of sheets to get lost with him.

Grasping his face in your free hand, you squished his cheeks, forcing his lips to pucker. You couldn’t help but giggle at his annoyed expression as you pecked him one last time before turning away from him, “Shower first, remember?...... Then coffee and breakfast.” Pulling your robe from the back of your bedroom door, you shrugged it on and tied it to cover yourself before slipping out of your room and going to the bathroom. After turning the water on, you took the chance to brush your teeth while it warmed up. As you removed the robe, ready to step into the steaming hot shower, the door opened.

Jake greeted your look of question with a grin as he stripped out of his boxers without an ounce of bashfulness. “What? I need a shower too… Thought we could conserve water.” He shrugged his shoulders and pulled the curtain back, watching the way you hungrily eyed him. “We don’t have all day, peach. We’re getting dangerously close to missing breakfast…”

Chewing on your lip, you finally slid the old, tattered boxers down your legs and moved by him to step in the tub, “I suppose that is the most important meal of the day.” Once you were beneath the stream, he stepped in behind you and closed the curtain. “Hey!” Just as you tilted your head back to wet your hair, Jake had yanked you out of the way and took your place.

“Can I have the shampoo, peach?” He reached blindly as the water cascaded down and around his face.

Your gaze traveled over his body, “Mhmm…” Squeezing a bit of the product into your own hand, you stepped closer and rubbed your palms together to create a lather. Once you were close enough that he could feel the heat coming off of your body, he peeked one eye open just in time to see you reaching up to scrub the suds into his scalp. His hands fell to your waist and he pulled you against him as a groan vibrated from his chest and rattled against your own. “You have really great hair, y’know…”

Jake leaned his head into your touch, his smile growing mischievous, “I know, baby… But you-” He paused, his hands sliding down your back and over your ass, “-have a really great ass…”

An involuntary moan escaped your mouth as he squeezed the flesh and leaned forward to kiss you. “Aht! We gotta rinse, Jake… Then condition.” Tugging on his hair, you forced his head back under the shower and worked the soap out of his strands. He remained patient through the process and allowed you to apply the conditioner and rinse it before moving out of the way so you could wash your own hair.

As you finished raking the conditioner through your locks, he pressed himself against your back and brought his hands around to cup your breasts, “You know how tortuous it is, peach… To watch the way your body moves while you do the most mundane of tasks…” His voice was a husky whisper in your ear.

“Is that why your dick is poking my asscheek right now?” You looked over your shoulder at him and reached back to grasp his hardening length, smirking at the sharp intake of breath he took.

He bucked into your hand as his mouth latched onto your neck, kissing and sucking, his tongue dragging across your wet skin, “I swear to god, if I don’t get to fuck you before we leave this apartment… I might die, peach.”

“I think you’re being dramatic.” You tightened your grip on him and began to stroke his cock, the remnants of conditioner making your hand slip over him with no resistance. “I’ll give you five minutes to make me cum…”

He pulled his mouth away from you with a scoff, “Five minutes? Why only five?”

“Because I have to rinse the conditioner out of my hair in five minutes…” You began to slow your hand to a stop, “If you don’t think you can do it then just say that, Jake.”

He released a growl and grabbed your wrist to pull your hand off of him. Within seconds, he had both of your hands and your chest pressed against the shower wall, “Keep your hands here and your smart mouth shut.” Jake grasped your hips then, pulling them back slightly while you remained still, and before you knew it, he was buried completely inside of you. “Fuuuuck… I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the feeling of you.” He drew himself out of you and straight back in, setting a surprisingly slow pace. Goosebumps scattered across your skin at the feeling of his hot breath on your neck and despite the relaxed, lazy strokes he was giving, you still fought to keep your moans locked in. He was watching your face, the way you bit your lips together and squeezed your eyes shut, “How many minutes do I have left, baby? About three, would you say?” There was a hint of amusement in his words like he was mocking you.

“Yes… Three.” You replied through gritted teeth, annoyed that your orgasm was already beginning to build.

His right hand slithered from your hip to find your clit as he began to flick and tease the bud beneath his fingers, “I can feel it, peach… You’re already close, aren’t you?” A short laugh escaped him as the whimpers you’d been holding started to cascade from your lips, “What’s the matter, hmm? You didn’t think I could do it?” If there was one thing about Jake, it’s that he would never pass up the opportunity to gloat.

It was all winding too fast for you to stop it and it was mostly thanks to his skilled fingers, rolling over your clit at an eye rolling speed. “J-Jake… Please… I’m gonna- I- shit…” Your body was moving on its own, rocking back to meet his thrusts, and your legs started to wobble. “Oh god… Oh…god!” You cried out, your climax washing over you in such a hot rush that it made the water feel icy. Jake held you up as he slid his length out of you and a shiver swept over your skin.

“I think I still have a minute to spare.” He was always so arrogant, cocky. You stepped out of his hold and sank to your knees, wasting no time in sucking him into your mouth. “There you go, baby- fuck… Do you know how pretty you look with my cock in your mouth? So fucking pretty…” The water was raining down over your head, streaming down your face, and he carefully combed his fingers through your hair to move it out of your face. You swirled your tongue around the tip holding eye contact with him. “C’mon, peach. Don’t you fucking tease.”

You let him fall from your mouth, your hand picking up the slack, and gazed up at him through your lashes, “I’m not teasing, baby… I’m savoring.” You gave him one long kitten lick, accompanied by a satisfied hum.

His head rolled back as he let out a needy groan, then he suddenly had a fistful of your hair as his head snapped back up and his jaw clenched tight. “You can savor all you want later, but the water is starting to get cold and my patience is wearing thin. Open.” His demanding and dominant voice alone could’ve brought you to a second orgasm if you weren’t so focused on giving him what he deserved. Taking your hand off of him, you opened your mouth wide and stuck your tongue out. Jake loosened his grip on your hair as he used his free hand to guide his cock to your mouth. You kept your eyes locked on his and closed your lips around him as he pushed further. “Use your tongue, baby.” He sounded desperate, his nails scratching at you scalp as he fucked into your mouth.

You obliged, waving your tongue along the underside of his cock, putting pressure on the large vein that decorated it. When an unexpected whimper tumbled from his mouth, you pulled yourself off of him, “Jake…baby, can you let me have control for a minute?” You gave him the best doe eyes you could manage.

He eyed you silently for a moment, but when you leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his shaft while maintaining eye contact, he relinquished and gave you a single nod, releasing your hair. “Don’t play games, Y/N. If you- oh fuck…” You didn’t give him time to finish his threat as you took him back into your mouth, bobbing your head and stroking him simultaneously. The grunts leaving his throat told you that he was enjoying it but you took it step further, removing your hand completely to grasp the back of his thighs and swallow him all the way down. “Jesus christ, peach. I-...” He trailed off as your throat pulsed and squeezed around his tip. The hot water had officially gone cold and you could feel Jake shiver beneath your fingertips. He was muttering under his breath, nothing of coherence, and you knew he was there, he just needed a final push. As you resumed bobbing your head again, you began to massage his balls and that was more than enough. Jake desperately grasped at the back of your head as he came. An abundance of curses and praises rained over you with the water as he emptied himself onto your tongue. “Peach…” It was a warning to tell you that he was finished but you continued to blow him, hollowing your cheeks while you innocently gazed up at him. He was trying to pull you off of him by your hair, his brows pinched tightly, “Y/N…” He was beginning to tremble, his knees getting weaker and threatening to buckle but you wouldn’t let up. He was starting to whimper and whine, an unfamiliar vulnerability creeping over him, “P-please… I can’t- you gotta st-... I can’t take it, peach.” His pleas were wearing on you and you were about to stop when he was overcome by a second climax.

You eased him through it as gently as you could, rubbing your palm up and down his thigh in a soothing manner. Jake was panting, holding onto the shower wall to keep himself upright, when you spun around to shut the water off and stand up. “Are you okay, baby?” Stepping towards him cautiously, you wrapped your arms around his midsection and placed a soft kiss to the center of his chest.

He looked down at you through heavy lidded eyes and for a second you thought he was going to be mad at you. “I’ve never felt anything like that. What the fuck did you do to me?” He was still a bit breathless as he wrapped his arms around you, and kissed your temple.

You giggled softly, looking up at him, “Would you trust me enough to let me do it again?” Yanking the curtain open, you broke away from Jake to step out and grab your towel, “Overstimulation can lead to a more heightened sense of euphoria because it borders the line between pain and pleasure…” You shrugged as you tossed a towel at him and watched him pat his skin dry before securing it around his waist all while trying to hide his smirk. “You liked it, didn’t you?”

He cut his eyes to you, seeing your own grin, “No… Kiss your little power trip goodbye, peach.” He walked by you and pulled the bathroom door open to usher you out. “I do appreciate that lesson in overstimulation, though…” As you passed through the doorway, he reeled his hand back and left a sharp smack to your ass, causing you to yelp, “It’ll come in handy later.”

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Summer had breezed by in a flash and aside from the solid tan you got, the only thing that changed between the start of the season and the end, was how much your feelings for Jake had grown. Maybe it was falling asleep and waking up tangled together… Or maybe the countless dates; some spent curled up on his couch with a glass of wine and a new takeout menu while the two of you tried to agree on a new documentary to watch. Other times, you’d find yourselves at some hole-in-the-wall bar that nobody’s ever heard of, but leave it to Jake to sniff out a place with live music. Thinking back on your first day of work at Highway Tunes, you never would’ve expected to still be here, let alone sitting in the passenger seat of Jake’s car as he held your hand over the shifter, driving you to work.

“I’ll be back to get you at closing, yeah?” He pulled into his usual spot in the back lot and shifted the car into park, finally releasing your hand.

You grabbed your bag from the floor and dug through it to make sure you had everything you could possibly need for your shift, “No…” Turning to look at your boyfriend, you smiled and leaned over the console to kiss his cheek before grasping the door handle.

“What do you mean ‘no’? What-.”

Gently placing your hand on his thigh, you waited for him to stop talking. “You and Josh promised Sam that you’d go on that hike with him tomorrow so he could get pictures for his portfolio. He’s going to have you both up before sunrise and I don’t want any part of that if I’m working the double tomorrow.” You watched as he started to pout, biting back your giggles. “You’ll live, Jake. It’s one night without me… Besides, I’ve barely seen Bell at all the past few weeks and we’re gonna have a movie night.”

He grasped your hand before you could pull it away from him, “What if I don’t live, Y/N?” He was leaning in closer to you as he spoke, “What if I bury my face in your pillow and suffocate?... Or what if a bug crawls into my mouth and I choke and you’re not there to save me? Do you really want that on your conscience, peach?”

The tip of his nose poked yours and you rolled your eyes at him, “You’re ridiculous… And you’re not gonna change my mind. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You left him with a soft, lingering peck and pushed the car door open to step out. In true Jake fashion, he waited until you were through the back door of the store before he drove off.

“Hey! Y/N, I’m glad you’re here. I want- shit…hang on…” Josh was struggling to untangle himself from a mess of christmas lights and cords when you came out of the back hallway.

He gave up and remained seated on the floor, trying to unknot the mess around him as you approached, “Josh… Honey, what are you doing?” You dropped your bag and kneeled beside him to examine the varying array of wires, “Christmas is like, four months away.” Out of habit, you immediately began to help him, pulling the string lights apart.

Josh watched you quietly, a smile ghosting over his lips at the way your brows scrunched in concentration. “You’re always diving in to save me, sweetheart…” He whispered it so softly, it was like he didn’t want you to hear it. “We uhh… We do this end of summer event every year.”

“An event?” You lifted your head to look at him just as you pulled a knot free.

“Yeah… So we set up a big tent in the back parking lot and have a few local bands play some music. We charge fifty bucks for front door entry and that gives the customers access to the live music out back and we always have a ton of food and drinks. But it’s also an automatic entry into a giveaway we do.” He managed to get one of the light bundles free and wrapped it neatly to set aside.

You raised an eyebrow at him, “Fifty bucks? People pay that?” You couldn’t hide your shock at the cover price.

Josh chuckled as he yanked at the wires, “It seems steep, I know… See, all the money goes to a good cause and the community loves to offer support.” He twisted his body, reaching into a box behind him to grab a piece of paper and pass it to you. “This is last year’s flyer… We open around 1pm, people pay the cover and they can browse as usual if they want or they can just head straight out back for the music and food.” He was hyper-focused on a specific knot and you couldn’t take your eyes off his hands, his fingers. The way the veins protruded and flexed beneath his skin as he pulled more lights away from the tangles. “But the money is-... My eyes are up here, babe…” He had a giant, teasing grin when you cast your eyes to his face and you were sure your face was bright red, but he just laughed it off and continued, “All the money we collect from the entry fee goes to a non-profit organization. We try to donate to a different one every year but it’s almost always one that gives young kids the opportunity to learn about music or instruments, y’know?”

You finally managed to pull a strand of lights and an extension cord free at the same time, “Is this another tradition that your parents started?” After neatly wrapping the wires, you set them aside and put your attention back on the curly haired boy.

“No, actually. Jakey and I tried to convince them to do it a few times but they thought- well, with the money that would have to be put into everything to make it all happen, they didn’t think it was worth the risk.” A look of pride arose on his face with a soft smile, “We both saved a lot of our own money from working here and when mom and dad finally passed it down to us… It wasn’t even a conversation that needed to be had, we knew that we wanted to do it so we made it happen.” He dropped the knots he was working on and started to stand up, “C’mere.” He took your hand and helped you up from the floor before leading you to the office. You let your hand remain clasped with his until he released it to pull something from the shelf behind the desk. “This is from our first year.” It was a small photo album. Josh laid it on the desk and ushered you into the chair.

Taking a seat, you looked down at the leather cover and ran your fingers down the edge before flipping it open. “Oh my god… Is this you and Jake?” The very first picture in the album was the twins, standing outside of the store. They both looked so young, baby-faced, and a lot different than how you knew them. The sight of Josh without his facial hair made it so much more obvious that he and Jake were completely identical. “Your hair, Josh… You look-.” You paused, clamping your mouth shut.

“Sexy? I know… All the ladies and the gents wanted me.” He was half joking but still gave you a smug smirk.

“I was gonna say you looked like a douchebag but I suppose if you felt sexy…” You chuckled at the scoff he let out and glanced up at him, “Oh, you know I’m joking. You were very sexy, boss. The faded sides suit you, but I like your fluffy curls now better… for the record.” Dropping your eyes back to the album, you flipped the page to find more photos from that same day. Sam was in a few of them along with another boy that you’d never seen before. “Bell would get a kick out of these. Sam was just a baby, oh god. You were all so young.” You studied Jake in all of the pictures. There was something different about him that you couldn’t quite place your finger on so you moved your attention to the mystery boy. A handsome, tall, dark haired boy. “Who’s this? You guys never mentioned a fourth brother.”

Josh sat on the edge of the desk and crossed his arms over his chest, “That’s Daniel- Danny.” He was smiling down at the photos as he continued, “He’s Sammy’s best friend. We all grew up together. So yeah, I guess he is our brother. I’m surprised you haven’t met him yet, he’s been back from college all summer.” As though he was growing impatient, he reached down to turn the next page himself, “Those were from when Jake and I were fresh out of high school. Mom got excited with the camera and spent the whole day taking pictures.”

Silence fell upon the two of you as you flipped further in the album. You stopped at a picture of Jake, holding his middle finger up to flip the camera off, or maybe whoever was behind it. “Did Sam take these? They’re so good.” You’d gotten better at noticing his work with a camera. Between the way Bellamy gushed over his talent and the few times he’d been in the store or at Jake’s, showing off his photos, you’d grown to appreciate how talented he truly was.

“Yeah, actually. He kept insisting that we’d want to look back at the year our lives changed.” He put air quotes around the last part, “But we knew that he was only documenting to keep an eye on us for mom and dad… I guess I’m glad he did.” Josh slid off of the desk and crouched down beside you with excitement, placing a hand on your knee to keep himself balanced, “He made a photo album for Jake and I and a matching one for our parents- OH! Okay, these are from our first charity event!”

“Oh wow… This is so cool.” You’d never seen the store so full. There were dozens of people in the pictures, laughing, shopping, mingling. As you continued to flip, there were photos of a makeshift stage in the back parking lot, a band playing while people watched and cheered. Jake stood at a small, portable grill, flipping burgers with a genuine smile on his face. There was a girl standing close to him, watching him, her smile not quite as big as his but still present. As you continued turning the pages, her face was becoming more frequent in the photos, always close to Jake. You started to feel a sick, sinking feeling in your stomach as you scanned over her light brown hair and blue eyes. “Josh…” He looked up at you as you turned the page, his smile fading at your expression. “Who is this girl in all the p-...” Your voice faded off as your question was answered by the next page of pictures; Jake holding her hand, embracing her, kissing her.

“Shit… Umm, I should-.” Josh attempted to close the book but you flattened your palm against it to keep it open. “Y/N, I-... it’s nobody, just-.”

“It’s her. It’s Ivy, isn’t it?” You watched as he pulled the book away from you, waiting for a confirmation.

He released a sigh and closed it, standing up to place it back in its place on the shelf, “I forgot she was even in any of the pictures, that’s not why I was showing you them.” When he turned to face you again, he had a look on his face that you were beginning to grow accustomed to. “Y/N, look…just-.”

You cut him off, knowing exactly what he was about to say, “I won’t bring it up to him. It’ll stay between us…promise.” Standing up from the chair, you placed a hand on Josh’s arm to ease his stress. He held your gaze for a moment, his brown eyes nearly hypnotizing, and reached up to brush a strand of hair behind your ear. “Um- I should…do my job.” You pulled away from him and pointed towards the doorway before his fingers could make contact and made a swift exit.

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The shift stayed fairly busy and so did you, for the most part. You took care of the customers while Josh finished detangling the lights and cords and by 7:00, it had pretty much died off. The store was empty for the first time in hours and you finally had the chance to take a break. You finished putting away the stack of cassette tapes in your hand and went to grab your bottle of water from beneath the front counter. As you passed the office door, you stopped to do a double take, “Jake?” You pushed the door open further to see your boyfriend leaning over the desk, looking at the computer screen with his twin. “When did you-”

“Peach, come over here and give us your opinion.” He interrupted you, holding his hand out. Josh flicked his eyes to you briefly before setting them back on the screen. Jake’s impatience got the better of him, as it usually did, and he was coming across the small room to grab your hand and pull you to the opposite side of the desk. He planted you in front of him, a gentle grasp on your hip, as he pointed at the computer. “Which one do you like better?”

You looked back and forth between what you assumed were designs for this year’s flyers. There were two different options and you knew right away that each of the designs belonged to one of the twins. “No. Nuh uh. I’m not gonna be the deciding vote in this. Count me out.” You tried to break away but your boyfriend moved his hand from your hip and wrapped his arm around you, holding you against him.

Josh turned to you then, “Y/N, we’ve been arguing over this for days now. We need a tie breaker so we can get them printed.”

“Ask someone else to be the tie breaker!” You whined, trying to wiggle out of Jake’s hold.

The curly haired twin released a long, exhausted breath, “Come on, sweetheart… You’re the only one who’s opinion isn’t biased.”

“Yeah… Come on, sweetheart.” Jake mocked his brother with a smirk before resting his chin on your shoulder.

“How do you know I’m not biased?” You leaned forward, placing your palms flat on the desk to really examine both designs. They were both great and you could easily tell which belonged to who. Jake’s was set on a black background with a gold border and gold lettering. Elegant but not flashy. Josh’s was the opposite; bold and vibrant letters with a fun font. A border made up of vinyl records. “I like this one a lot.” You pointed to Jake’s first and he was ready to celebrate his triumph but you weren’t finished, “But… I think that this one is the better option.”

Your boyfriend dropped his hands from your body, “Of course you do…”

“Jake, don’t start. You wanted my opinion, I gave it… Don’t act like a child.”

“How is his better? It looks like a 1st grader made it.” He took a few steps back and leaned against the wall, “Why don’t you be honest and tell me why you really like my brother’s design better?”

Josh rolled his eyes, shaking his head a bit as he attempted to soothe the tension his twin was creating, “Jake, it’s not a big-”

“No, Josh.” You cut him off as you whipped around to address the long haired boy, “I never said that I liked his better, first of all. Let’s get that straight.” You were pointing your finger at him like a mother scolding her child as he stared at you, “Second of all, you wanted my opinion. My un-fucking-biased opinion. And that’s what you got. Both designs are great but Josh’s is more eye-catching and they’re going to be a hell of a lot cheaper to print… If you’re not worried about the money, then fuck it. Print both. I don’t give a shit. I need out of this goddamn room.” You wasted no time in leaving the office, only stopping to grab your phone from beneath the counter then walking to the back to step outside.

You propped the back door open and took a deep breath of the cool summer air, trying to force the tension out of your body. It had been lingering beneath your skin since you’d seen the photo album and you didn’t know why. Maybe it was how deep in love Jake looked in the pictures with her… Maybe that you’d never seen him look at you like that. You shook the thoughts away as best as you could, remembering that he still has a wall up around his heart and he’s really come a long way since you first met him.

“Peach.” He laughed as you jumped at his unexpected presence. “Baby, I’m sorry…”

You took a few steps away from him, “It’s fine, you just startled me.” You were staring at your phone screen, reading a text from Bellamy, when he closed the distance between you and plucked the phone from your hands.

He slid the device into his pocket, ignoring your grabbing hands and protests, “No. I’m sorry for acting like a dickhead.” He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you towards him as gently as he could, “I- You’re right. Josh’s is a better option and we’re gonna go with it… I got a little insecure when you chose him over me.”

His admission made you melt into him as you brought your arms up to wrap around the back of his neck, “I didn’t choose him over you, babe. But I understand where you’re coming from and why it may have seemed like that.” You were lost in his sweet, brown eyes as his lips began to curl, “Jake, I l-.” Realizing what was about to come out of your mouth, you bit down on your lip to stop it. It’s not that you didn’t want to say it, but you didn’t want to spook him, so you skated around those three words with something that felt safer. “You’re mine, okay? And I’m yours. Nothing else matters.”

Jake left a soft kiss on your forehead and everything was still for a moment until he pulled back to look at you, “You sure you don’t wanna come back home with me tonight?”” He made it so hard to say no when he gave you those eyes.

“Of course I want to…” You skimmed your hands down his torso with a sweet smile, “But Bellamy texted and wants to go out for a drink when I get off.” Wiggling your fingers into his pocket, you retrieved your phone to text your friend back.

“You said a movie night.” The way his tone changed told you that he didn’t like the idea of you going out. “I thought you wanted to sleep because you’re working a double tomorrow…But you’re going out to a bar?”

Rolling your eyes, you sent a text to Bell to confirm and tucked your phone away, “I told her one drink and then home. She won’t push, Jake. Trust me.”

“Then can I go for a drink with you?”

“Jacob…” You rubbed your temples, closing your eyes for a moment, “One night will not kill you. It’s just Bell and I. One drink, then home for the rest of the night.” Digging your hand back into his pocket, you pulled his keys out and dangled them in front of his face. “Babe, go home. You can catch up on that show that I hate and stretch out on the couch or in bed without me clinging to you…” You knew none of it mattered. He’d take every night with you over anything else and he’s made that obvious. “I’ll call you when I get home. I’m gonna go clean up for closing. Go.” Grabbing his hand, you dropped the keys into his palm and closed his fingers around them. You pressed your lips to his cheek before moving by him to go back inside but he caught your wrist, pulling you back.

He didn’t say anything, just stared at you with those pretty, espresso colored eyes. You could’ve gazed into them forever if he didn’t finally speak. “I’m gonna sleep like shit tonight, you know that?” he kissed your temple and released you, walking to his car.

Letting the backdoor fall shut, you went back to the front to begin your closing duties and found Josh sweeping the floor. “Hey, I was gonna do that, hun.” You went for the rag and spray bottle to clean off the front counter and display cases.

“I already wiped everything down, sweetheart.” He gave you a small smile as he brushed the pile of dirt into a dustpan. “In fact, everything is pretty much done. I doubt we’ll get much traffic through here the rest of the night, I’m probably just gonna lock up.” He placed the broom back in its spot behind the counter and glanced at the clock as he smoothed out his mustache, “You can clock out for the night and head home if you want.”

Following his eyes to the clock, you saw that it was about 7:45pm. “Oh. Umm. Yeah, okay. Let me call Bellamy.” You unlocked your phone to find your friend’s contact. You held it to your ear, thankful that you’d be able to go for a drink and get home even earlier than you’d anticipated. “Bell? Hello?” You struggled to hear her over the noise in the background on her end.

What’s up, babe?

“Bellamy, I can barely hear you. Where are you?”

What? Hang on, let me just-... Okay, is that better?

The noise faded out to almost silence, making it easier to hear her clearly. “Yeah. So, you can come get me now.” When she didn’t respond, you repeated yourself, “Bell, you can just come pick me up now. Josh is gonna close early.”

Umm… Can you get a ride to the bar? I don’t have the car, Sam drove.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Bellamy?” It was impossible to mask your annoyance. “I thought it was just going to be us? Like you have my car, how do you expect me to get there?”

We were already out getting dinner so we just came to Louie’s after we ate… Just have Jake bring you, babe.

You could feel Josh’s gaze as you released an aggravated sigh, “Jake isn’t-. You know what. It doesn’t matter. I’m just gonna get an uber home.” Choosing to ignore her protests, you hung up the phone and dropped it on the countertop. “Typical fucking Bellamy.” Burying your face into your palms, you let out a loud groan.

Josh was standing on the opposite side of the counter now, “That sounded a bit stressful… You okay?”

“Yeah. No? I don’t know…” You looked up at him and his expression made you realize how harsh your tone was. Taking a long breath, you forced yourself to relax, “She’s just up Sam’s ass, as usual. I gotta get an uber and then I will be out of your hair, boss.” You gave him a half smile and reached for your phone again.

“No. Hey.” He waited for you to look at him again, “Don’t waste money on that shit… I’ll give you a ride home. I just need to finish up a few things here, if you don’t mind waiting on me?”

You contemplated for a moment but when you finally agreed, he turned around and disappeared through the office door. When he didn’t reemerge, you followed after him. “Is there anything I can help you with at all? I don’t wanna be completely useless.”

He was crouched behind the desk, gathering something that you couldn’t see, “You? Useless?” He scoffed as he stood up straight, his lip was tucked between his teeth but he wouldn’t look at you. His eyes wandered around the small room as though he were trying to find something, “Y’know… You’re kind of the most useful person we have here.” He walked around the desk, still searching, as he continued, “In fact…” His eyes finally landed on what he’d been looking for, “I could use you right now. Come here.” He waved you towards him and pointed up to the top of the tall bookshelf. “If I lift you, could you reach that?”

You followed the path of his finger to a liquor bottle, carefully hidden behind a few knickknacks. “Yeah… I think so. I should be able to.” Turning back to Josh with a bit of apprehension, you looked him up and down, “Are you sure you can lift me?”

“Are you insinuating that I can’t?” There was a mischievous glint in his eyes and though you knew it was probably a bad idea, you still decided to challenge him.

Crossing your arms over your chest, you raised an eyebrow, “Maybe… I mean, I am the one who does all the heavy lifting when we get the orders in on fridays.” You pursed your lips with a shrug and watched his gaze narrow.

He moved quicker than you anticipated, crouching low and wrapping his arms around your thighs. You screeched as he lifted you with ease and slung you over his shoulder. “Now make yourself useful and get that tequila!”

You were both laughing wildly as you used his shoulders to steady yourself and reached for the bottle. Once your fingers were secured around the neck, he began to carefully lower you. Out of habit, your legs parted to wrap around his waist, an act you were accustomed to doing with your boyfriend. As if he’d done it a million times, Josh’s hands shifted fast, one slipping around your back to hold you against him and the other gripping your thigh just below your ass. As your laughter died down, you became hyper aware of the position you were in, “Well… I got the bottle…” You held it in front of his face and awkwardly peeled your arm from around his neck.

He swallowed hard before placing you back on your feet and clearing his throat, “There’s no ‘I’ in team, Y/N.” He snatched it from your grip and stuck his tongue out at you, effectively replacing the awkward tension with his playfulness. Turning away from you, he grabbed two styrofoam cups from the stack on top of the mini fridge and placed them on the desk to fill each one. “If you tell me you need a chaser, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at you the same, sweetheart.” He offered you one of the cups, barely a shot's worth of liquid in it.

You took it and tossed it back without hesitation, if only to prove a point, and immediately coughed as it burned its way down your esophagus. “I fucking hate tequila.” The taste lingered in your mouth and you would’ve given anything for a lime slice or two to chase the bitterness with.

Josh gulped his own shot down with a shocking amount of ease and held the bottle out to refill your cup, “Shall we have another?”

Staring at the liquor, you slowly nodded your head, “Just one more and then I’m done.” You were supposed to go out for a drink anyway so a couple shots couldn’t hurt.

“Hell yeah!” He filled your cup again, a little more than the first time, and then his own. “Bottoms up- err… Cheers? I don’t know.” He clashed his cup against yours and took his shot, shaking his body out with a grimace. “Fuck- that one hurt.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at him, “What’s the matter, Josh? You need a chaser?”

“Shut up and take your shot.” He tried to force a scowl as he splashed the remaining droplets from his cup at you. When you finally stopped laughing and emptied the cup, he took it from you and tossed it in the trash can. “Alright, darlin’... I gotta finalize payroll and finish up some paperwork. It shouldn’t take me too long, so just hangout, make yourself at home.”

Giving him a nod, you turned to exit the room as he took a seat at the desk. Wondering what you could do to pass the time while you waited, you gravitated towards the record player the boys kept beside the counter that played through the speakers in the storeroom. It was rare that you got the chance to choose which albums got played. Jake was particular on what he liked to play while he was working but now you had the turntable to yourself. You flipped through the small collection of vinyls they had and pulled out Abbey Road. Removing it from the sleeve carefully, you laid it on the turntable and placed the needle exactly where you wanted it. Something faded in through the speakers and you cranked the volume a bit before you began swaying through the room. The tequila was making its way into your bloodstream and creating a warm feeling that you just wanted to chase. Singing along softly, you slipped back into the office without a word to your boss and seized the bottle from the desktop. He was humming quietly, a smile plastered on his face as he watched you spin and twirl your way back out of the room.

After side one concluded, you flipped the album and let it play through as you went to dig through the used bins beneath the tables. You were sitting on the floor, sifting through a third crate between sips of liquor, when the music cut off with a slight record scratch. Just as you were about to get up to see what happened, a new song filtered through the room and you felt your heart constrict at the first chord. She Talks to Angels by The Black Crowes was a song that your dad used to play all the time when you were young. He’d pick you up and dance you around the living room while he sang and as you grew older, he’d play it in the car for both of you to sing together. Listening to it now, you couldn’t even remember the last time you’d heard the song and it made your sadness that much more prominent as the first few tears began to fall.

Josh came into view, his smile falling in an instant when he found you on the floor, slumped against the cabinets and wiping at your cheeks. “What happened? Y/N, what’s wrong?” His concern was evident as he knelt beside you and placed a comforting hand on your knee.

“I’m sorry. I-...” You tried to compose yourself as you looked down at the bottle by your feet. You wanted to throw it across the room, a sense of anger coursing through you at the mere sight of it. “Take this. Please, Josh… Please j-just get it away from me.”

He took the tequila as you pushed it towards him and placed it behind his body to get it out of your view. “Y/N, you’re scaring me, what’s wrong?”

You took a few deep, calming breaths and wiped the remaining drops from your face with a sniffle. “Sorry… That song. Umm- I haven’t heard that in forever. I guess it kind of opened up some wounds.” An awkward laugh escaped you as you sat up straight, “God, that’s embarrassing. Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” His voice was the softest you’d ever heard it. He reached up to catch a single, stray tear with his thumb, brushing it away from your chin, “You wanna talk about it?”

You never talked about your parents to anybody but Bellamy and even that was rare. Jake didn’t know anything about your life back in Pennsylvania and he never pushed you to talk about it. But now, looking into Josh’s eyes, you felt an overwhelming urge to divulge everything to him and you couldn’t explain why. “My dad used to play that song all the time when I was little, it was like, our song… He was my best friend, Josh. The coolest guy you’d ever know, I swear.” Josh stayed quiet as he settled in beside you, listening respectfully. You went on, sharing small details of your childhood, good and bad memories. When you started to get into the harder details of your teenage years, he took hold of your hand in a comforting and encouraging grasp. “Everytime we thought mom was getting better and slowing down on the drinking, we’d find her hidden bottles… She started getting belligerent when she would drink and it got scary. I hated her- hated being around her. I begged my dad to leave but he wasn’t that kind of man, he always had to take care of everyone.” Your voice began to break as you talked about the last time you saw him, “She was sober, I swear to god she was fucking sober when I came home for fall break. Maybe she just got too good at masking it? I don’t know… But her mask started to slip and she got sloppy fast.” You felt yourself sinking further into Josh’s side for comfort that you didn’t realize you needed, but he welcomed it, wrapping an arm around you. “The knock didn’t come until almost midnight and I knew before I even answered the door… The impact took them both instantly.” It was a lie, but your mother had been dead to you for a while so it made it easier to pretend you lost her with your dad.

“God, Y/N… I’m so sorry- I’m so fucking sorry.” He held you tight, hugging you to his chest as you started to cry again. “I can’t even begin to imagine-...”

You looked up at him, your eyes shiny and bloodshot, “Don’t- please don’t say anything to Jake… I don’t- I’m not ready to tell him yet.” You were gripping his shirt as you pleaded.

Josh nodded softly, “I won’t, promise. It’s not my place, sweetheart.” You hadn’t noticed that the record ended a good while ago, but everything remained silent. Josh’s fingertips lightly grazed up and down your arm and the sound of his light breaths put you at ease, lulling you to sleep. You weren’t sure of how long you’d been out when you heard him speaking quietly through your sleepy haze. He must’ve been on the phone but you couldn’t focus enough to know if it was real or if you were just dreaming. “...Were you sleeping?...I’m still at the store with Y/N. I think you should come get her, man…No- don’t be a dick about this, Jake… Her and Bellamy got into a fight, I just- I don’t think she should be alone tonight…Yeah… Okay… Bye.”

The silence pulled you back into a drowse until a hand was gently shaking you awake, “Peach… wake up, baby.” Your eyelids fluttered for a moment before Jake came into focus. He was looking at Josh, who was standing a foot or so away, staring down at you with the bottle of tequila in his hand. Jake turned back to you, smoothing your hair out of your face, “Let’s get you out of here.” You allowed him to help you up from the floor and lead you through the store towards the back door, only stopping to grab your phone and bag. Josh didn’t say a word as he watched you both go and you were kind of thankful for that. Your boyfriend tucked you into the passenger seat of his car and made sure you were buckled in before he got into the driver’s seat and pulled out of the parking lot. Resting your head against the window, you allowed your eyes to fall shut again. “C’mon, peach. We’re home.”

Picking your head up, you looked around to see you were in the garage at his complex. He eased you out of the car and you held onto him as he led you into the building and to his apartment. Slipping out of your shoes, you broke away from him to go straight to his room and stripped out of your work clothes.

Jake entered the room a minute later to find you in one of his t-shirts, climbing into his bed. He offered you a bottle of water and you knew he was examining your puffy, red eyes. “You wanna talk?”

Chewing on your lip, you shook your head and moved over to make room for him. He put the water on the bedside table and turned the lamp off to crawl in alongside you, instantly wrapping you in his arms and pulling you against him. You returned his embrace, feeling your body melt into him as every ounce of emotional strain began to evaporate the second he kissed the top of your head. You froze, clinging to him, as you felt more tears pricking your eyes, “Jake…” It was the first word you’d spoken to him since he’d picked you up from the store.

His body went rigid at the sound of your cracked voice, “What, baby? What’s wrong?” He held his breath, waiting for you to respond, as his anxiety grew.

“I love you…”

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zepskies · 2 years ago

Text

Never Say Goodbye - Part 10

Pairing: Dean x Female Reader

Summary: The first time you and Dean sensed each other’s thoughts and feelings, you were just kids. It would take years to realize that you both were bonded for life, and even longer to finally meet. [Soulmate AU] (Rated M for eventual scenes – 18+)

AN: Bear in mind, season 2 aired/took place circa 2006, so references like iPods are going to be dated lol.

Word Count: 5,500 Warnings: M-rated chapter ahead—18+ only! Angst, smut, fluff, and feels. Oh yeah, and kidnapping.

Part 10: Worthy

In the months after John Winchester’s death, Sam and Dean spent even more time on the road than before. Hunting down the demon, as well as trying to find the Colt.

You helped them the best you could with research on their various cases. However, now that you had been promoted to Library Curator at the museum, you had even more access to scholarly research and ancient texts, but even less time on your hands.

If you were honest (and you weren’t), it was getting harder to balance your real job and Sam and Dean’s requests. But you knew if you said so, Dean would never ask you for help again. At the end of the day, it kept you connected to them. And you liked helping out.

The next time the brothers came home marked a few months shy of two years since you’d met Dean. When they were a day’s drive away, he called you to ask you something he’d never asked before…

He wanted to take you out to dinner.

You had cooked for him before. He had cooked for you. You two had ordered in and gone to grab dinner with Sam in tow. But in almost two years, you and Dean had never gone on an actual dinner date, getting dressed up, just the two of you.

Needless to say, you were very excited…but you also had no idea what to wear.

Dean had seen you in the professional blouses, slacks, and skirts you wore for work. He’d seen you in ratty old college shirts and yoga pants while slurping ramen noodles from a plastic cup. He’d also seen you in nothing but one of his old buttoned-down shirts, and then, in nothing at all.

But he’d never seen you dressed to kill. That wasn’t to say you couldn’t pull it off, because you most certainly could. It had just…been a while.

So you dove into the shadowy recesses of your closet and searched for something you knew he hadn’t seen before. And you might’ve gone to the mall and bought a couple new pieces of lingerie, just in case the night went really well.

You were grateful Dean gave you a full day’s notice. It gave you the time to mentally prepare, but you still had to call him again to verify a few things.

“Okay, but where are we going?” you asked. “Casual dressy or dressy, dressy?”

Dean chuckled. “I have no idea what that means.”

He sounded tired to you, but the playful note in his voice still made you smile.

“It means just tell me where we’re going,” you said with a laugh.

“Nope,” he refused. “But here’s what I can do for you. I’ll be leaving the leather jacket at home this time.”

You tapped your chin thoughtfully. “Okay. That’s something, at least. Man, you really are the worst with these little guessing games.”

“I think you mean the best,” he joked. “Remember, I’ll be there by seven tomorrow.”

You let out an annoyed huff. “I hate you.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

He was still laughing when you hung up on him. You now had a plan though.

The next day was a Friday. You were able to get off work right at five, but that still only gave you two hours to shower and fix yourself up. Not nearly enough time, you lamented, but you made it work.

Your dad, blessedly, was working late again. So you had the house to yourself as you played your music loudly and danced to the beat while you finished up your makeup.

Then around seven, a knock sounded at the front door. Wow, he’s actually on time.

You swallowed a small swell of nerves in your throat. Stop being silly, you told yourself. And you were careful in your heels on your way down the stairs. You checked yourself real quick in the mirror, just to make sure your hair and everything else was in place. Then you looked into the door’s peephole.

With a smile, you unlocked and opened the door. Dean was there to greet you with a familiar grin, and then his eyes went wide at the sight of you. You crossed your arms and leaned on the door frame.

“We’re all stocked up on Girl Scout cookies, thanks,” you teased. Dean’s grin kicked up into a smirk.

“I’m not here to sell you anything, sweetheart,” he said. His hot gaze took you in—from your softly curled hair to your dark red lipstick, to the black suede dress that clung to your every curve and fell to mid-thigh, and finally down to your scarlet red heels. Then his eyes traveled all the way back up to yours.

“But I’ll bet you could get me to sell my soul with just those heels,” he said.

Your brain stuttered to a halt. You couldn’t help but blush at the flirtatious depths in his voice, overlayed with a fine layer of charm. It didn’t take much for Dean to turn it on, but when he did, you could guess how many panty-dropping one liners he’d had in his arsenal before he met you.

And he’d cleaned up nicely himself. True to his word, he’d forgone his typical leather jacket (though you were fond of it) for a solid black jacket. He’d paired it with a charcoal gray button-down and some dark wash jeans. (You suspected that Sam had given some pointers for this ensemble.)

His familiar pendant still hung from his neck though, along with his mom’s ring on his right hand. He was still Dean, but he looked good enough to eat.

His smirk deepened, and you realized he’d likely heard that thought.

Damn it.

You hadn’t seen him in a long time, so you forgot you’d have to pull your thoughts back from the soul bond sometimes. Right now though, it was all you could do to stop from dragging him into the house and kissing him senseless.

Dean shook you out of your thoughts when his hands found the curve of your waist. You looked up at him, holding onto the edges of his jacket.

“Sam’s not joining us for dinner?” you asked innocently, while knowing full well he wasn’t. Dean leaned down to brush his lips against your cheek, down to your neck where he caught the pleasant, sexy scent of your perfume. He felt you shudder a bit at the sensation of his lips across your skin.

“Nope. It’s adults only tonight,” he said. Pressed against him as you were, you felt the reverberation of his voice in your chest. It was a very pleasant sensation that pooled warmth in your lower belly, and down between your legs.

Dean came back to your lips, letting his ghost over yours. He didn’t want to ruin that pretty red lipstick (but he also really, really did).

You played into it; your smile brushed against his lips while your fingers dragged down his chest. “Then, maybe you should take me…”

You shifted on your feet, letting your thigh graze between his legs. You felt his fingers dig into the small of your back, and you reached back to grab his hand and unwrap his arms from your body.

“…To this mystery restaurant,” you said. “‘Cause I’m really freakin’ hungry.”

You flashed him a smile and slipped between him and the front door. You tossed him your house keys so he could lock it. As you walked down the driveway toward the Impala, you felt his disbelief, a lance of annoyance, but also his amusement. And a hot flare of desire while he watched you walk away from him.

You crossed your arms again and leaned against the passenger door of the Impala while you waited for Dean. He locked the front door and returned to the Impala while pointing a finger at you.

“You play too much,” he said. Your smile deepened.

As it turned out, he didn’t take you to the most expensive restaurant in town, or just to the local diner either. It was a nice Columbian steakhouse that ended up being the perfect place for both of you: a cozy atmosphere with Latin music, a historically Columbian-owned restaurant, and an interesting culture of food for you to enjoy—and a series of revolving smoked meats for Dean.

You noticed though, that while your boyfriend was enthusiastic about the food, he still seemed off somehow. His smiles didn’t always meet his eyes, and while he looked great, he also looked tired. He didn’t have 100% of his usual swagger going on, and that was enough cause for concern. From what Sam had told you, Dean had been doing better in working through their father’s death.

“Dean.” You laid a hand on his knee while he put yet another cheese bun into his mouth. You earned his attention regardless. “You okay? You seem…I don’t know. Tired.”

He shook his head and thankfully answered after he swallowed. “Nah, just a long drive. What, you’re not having fun?”

You smiled. “No, I am. I just want to make sure you’re okay, that’s all.”

Dean smiled back. “I’m good, baby.”

But you could tell he was hiding something—from the bond, and from you. You frowned at him.

“Dean, we’ve been over this,” you said in a quiet, but firm voice. “You don’t have to lie to me. Whatever it is, I can handle it. You can trust me.”

After a moment, Dean’s pleasant expression faded. A more genuine, rueful smile overtook his features. He took your hand from his knee and pressed it to his lips. He looked down for a few seconds, just thinking, and you gave him the time he needed to do it.

He appreciated that about you. Though you were a curious person by nature, and stubborn about it, in moments like this you never rushed him. You gave him room to breathe.

“Do you know what a djinn is?” he asked.

You blinked at him in curiosity. That wasn’t at all what you’d expected him to say.

“Yeah. I mean, djinn, genies—they’re all over Middle Eastern mythology,” you said, and with a more teasing smile, “And not just in Aladdin.”

Dean inclined his head. “Very good, Professor.”

“I’m guessing they’re real too?” you asked.

“Yeah, nasty sombitches,” he confirmed. He explained that with just one touch, a djinn could propel you into a fantasy of your own making. A dream world, where you can have the life you’ve always dreamed of—at the price of getting your blood sucked dry in the real world.

You grimaced. “Ech. Sounds like a party.”

“Yeah, it’s freakin’ Disneyland,” Dean quipped.

“I’m assuming you and Sam ran into a djinn?” you said.

Dean nodded. His gaze fell away from you as his thoughts drifted back to that world. That place where his family was more or less whole. Where his mom was still alive, and his family had never been sucked into hunting. Where Dean had met you while on a road trip with his dad and married you a year later. Where his little brother had become a lawyer and Dean a firefighter.

His father had died too soon in that world too, but it hadn’t been a gruesome, lonely death caused by a demon. The only real obstacle in that perfect world had been that he’d drifted away from his little brother. They didn’t have a great relationship in that world, but it wasn’t anything that they couldn’t overcome with a few beers and a couple of heart-to-hearts in the Impala.

But it hadn’t been real.

Dean explained all of this to you over dessert, and you listened with rapt attention. You felt all the emotions he couldn’t readily express.

“I saw what my life could’ve been like,” he admitted. “And I wanted it, more than anything.”

“But this is what’s real, and you chose it,” you said. “That’s what matters.”

Dean didn’t look convinced. You were grateful that he shared this with you, but you could also tell that this had been plaguing his mind. You also didn’t want him to have to wallow in it anymore. What you wanted was to help perk him up, or distract him somehow…

So when he dipped his spoon into the large chocolate brownie in front of him, you parried his spoon with yours and stole his scoop. He looked up at you with raised, incredulous brows.

“What just happened here?” he asked.

You shrugged, smiling as you licked your spoon clean. Dean’s lips pressed together, but in the name of keeping the night pleasant, he decided to let it go.

Once again, he delved into the brownie. And once again, you took his piece with your own spoon, even taking a bit of vanilla ice cream with it.

“This is really good,” you said, humming in delight. “You should try some.”

Dean quirked his head at you. He didn’t know whether to be irritated or amused.

“I’m tryin’,” he wryly replied. With a purposeful hand, he wielded his spoon and took a nice corner piece. Sure enough, your spoon came in to intercept him. But his left hand closed around your wrist. His gaze flicked up to yours.

“You’re playin’ with fire here, sweetheart,” he warned. You went for your glass of wine with your free hand and took a sip.

“Am I?” you asked. “I thought we agreed to share.”

He leaned in close, until there were mere inches between your faces. “I don’t share food.”

You took his challenge for what it was, and you leaned in until your lips were nearly brushing his.

“Fine,” you said. Then you sat back and sipped at your wine again. You seemed to have no further interest in dessert, so Dean nodded to himself and raised the corner piece of brownie to his lips.

Only to have you snatch his spoon from his hand and take the bite yourself. You washed it down with some water this time. While Dean sat back in shock, you offered him a smile.

“This’s a great place. We should definitely come back here,” you said.

For a moment, all Dean could do was stare at his damn-near empty plate. When he gathered himself, he looked over at you and smiled dangerously.

“Yeah, we should,” he agreed.

You finished your wine while Dean paid for the meal. He wouldn’t accept your money even though you offered to pay half. He asked you out, so he should pay, he reasoned. (He also ordered an extra brownie to-go.)

Anticipation ran down your spine the longer it took to get back to the car. You could feel his silent simmer, but also his patience. You knew he wasn’t going to let you get away with teasing him, but you also knew he was waiting for the right moment. Most likely when you two had some real privacy.

But before you could open the passenger side door of the Impala, Dean’s hand stopped you. You let him maneuver you around and press you against the door, and you held onto his jacket for balance. You grinned when he bent down and claimed your lips with his own, demanding, sensuous, and greedy.

You clung to his arms as he basically devoured you in the restaurant’s parking lot. His hands were hot on your hips, then kneading your butt, pulling you flush against him as your fingers curled into his hair.

You hadn’t taken Dean for a PDA kind of guy; he was very private about who knew you were together. But then again, it wasn’t too often that you two went out in public, considering this was the first proper date you and Dean had ever been on.

“You’re in so much trouble,” he said against your lips, but the effect was kind of lost when you could feel his amusement and searing desire. You giggled against him.

“Okay,” you agreed. “I can deal with that.”

He pinched your butt, making you yelp and tighten your hand in his hair on reflex. He groaned into your mouth.

“Take me home,” you said. Dean nodded, but he was reluctant to let go of you. Eventually he withdrew his hands and opened the passenger side door for you.

First, you smoothed down his jacket and wiped away some of the lipstick from his mouth and chin with your thumb. His charming, full-watt Dean grin was back, and it warmed you up from the inside out.

That night, in your bed, you and Dean made up for months of separation. You were starved for his touch, and Dean realized that with no small measure of guilt.

He tried to focus on being here with you, but in the back of his mind, he still felt like he was somehow taking something from you when he made love to you. Like that hit and run you once accused him of.

This is what Dad warned me about, he couldn’t help but think.

You both laid on your bed together afterwards, dewy with sweat and a hand on your chest to calm your racing heart. But as great as it had been for you, you knew that Dean was distracted again.

The moment you heard him think about his father, it brought you back to that day in the hospital.

“I’m sorry I told you not to go after her a few years ago,” John had said.

But why? You sat up against the headboard, bringing the sheets up to cover yourself. Meanwhile, Dean was coming back from freshening up in the bathroom. He then started tinkering with your iPod and speaker on your nightstand. But he frowned while scrolling through most of the songs.

Ugh. Avril Lavigne. Really? You heard him think to himself. A smile threatened to curve your lips as he continued to grumble at your playlist. But eventually he settled on “Going to California” by Led Zeppelin. That was neutral ground you could both agree on.

“Dean,” you found yourself saying, before you could think about it. He joined you back in bed, sitting beside you.

“When I was fourteen, I remember it snowed the day of my mom’s funeral,” you continued. “I was standing there in the cemetery when it started. I was…well, a wreck. I looked up at the flurries, and I heard something.”

It’s not fair!

“I didn’t realize it then, but I think I was hearing you for the first time.” You looked over at Dean, and he met your gaze.

“Sam and I were carted off to Bobby’s a few times when we were kids,” he admitted. “It’s possible.”

You gathered your courage, and you asked the question you had been holding onto for almost a year.

“Did you ever…hear me? Before last year.”

Dean sensed that this was a leading question. You already knew something, or at least thought you did. He sighed.

You sat up straighter and faced him.

“Talk to me,” you implored. Dean hesitated, but after a moment, he answered.

“It was around seven…eight years ago now. I was working a case with my dad near your school. That university.”

You thought back, and it must’ve been when you were getting your bachelor’s degree. Dean explained that he was about twenty-three, making you twenty at the time. And he started to feel you, hear you. It freaked him the hell out.

“A killer dog nearly took my head off because…anyway, the point is, I figured out what it was,” he said.

“But you left,” you said, both hurt and angry. “Why the hell didn’t you reach out to me?”

“My dad told me something,” Dean said. “He said I shouldn’t bring you into my life if I couldn’t hang up my gun. You know what…he was right.”

Your mouth fell open in shock. “How can you say that?”

“Look at what’s happening,” he said. “I’m on the road with Sam tryin’ to hunt this demon, pulling you away from your job with research, dragging you out in the middle of the night because I’m on death’s door. It’s enough!”

You didn’t like the sharpness in his tone, or the stubborn look in his eyes. That was another thing you’d learned about Dean. When he got an idea of something in his head, a conviction, he wasn’t going to let it go in a hurry.

Too frustrated to remain in bed, Dean got up and started dressing. You watched him put on his underwear and jeans in disbelief. But you stole his gray dress shirt before he could put it on. He wasn’t about to leave you like this.

So you put on the shirt yourself and stood in his way.

“It’s not supposed to be like this,” he told you.

“Who says?” you challenged. “We’re doing what works for us.”

“That’s my point. It’s not working. And it’s not fair to you.”

“When have I ever asked for fair?” You wanted to know. You had never complained, never asked anything of him except for two things: to keep in touch with you, and not to lie to you.

“This WiFi connection goes both ways, remember?” he countered. “You can try hiding it all you want, but you hate this long-distance crap. Pretty soon you’re gonna start hating me…and shit. I wouldn’t blame you.”

You didn’t know what to make of that resigned look on his face, but it struck at your heart.

You hefted a sharp sigh. “Didn’t you say that this was just temporary? That after you and Sam killed the Yellow Eyed demon, then you could come home?”

“It took Dad our whole lives just to track Yellow Eyes down,” Dean said. “Then it killed him.”

So he was saying this could take his whole life too. Part of you knew that, but you didn’t want to accept the reality that you could be living half a life with him forever.

You didn’t realize it then, but Dean took your silence as a sign.

“Look, I get it,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face. “It’s not like we can just…cut the cord here. But I’d understand if you don’t want to keep doing this.”

For a moment, you stared at him uncomprehendingly. But if he’d just taken half a second to look at your face—to read the truth in your roiling emotions, he wouldn’t have kept running his mouth.

“Truth is, you deserve better than what I got to give,” he said. His hand raised to card through his hair, an anxious gesture. You knew in the way his eyes shifted away.

A tremor of disbelief and dismay coursed through you.

What he had to give.

A man who'd first offered his protection while barely even knowing you. Who comforted you when you needed him, and celebrated your achievements instead of belittling them. Who believed in you when you told him about working yourself up at the museum. Who empowered you to hold your ground, and speak up for yourself.

A man who'd rather be alone than keep hurting you.

“Baby,” you tried, grasping his arm. Still, he didn’t quite meet your gaze.

“I’ve gotta go,” he said.

You pushed him back with both hands on his bare chest when he tried to get around you. “Stop!”

He said your name in a sharp warning. You shook your head stubbornly.

“Do you want me out of your life?” you asked. “Is that really what you want?”

Dean finally looked down at you, his mouth pressed in a firm line, his brows crunched over his eyes…but he couldn’t answer you.

“Then stop it!” you said. “Just fucking stop it. I’m tired of hearing you think that you’re not good enough.”

Dean’s expression slackened.

“Stop lying to yourself,” you said sternly. “I don’t care what you think I want. Whatever ‘together’ means for us is what we’re going to do. Because you are worth it.”

That was your conviction. He'd been fighting for his family his entire life. And now for you, in a way. So the least you could do was fight for him.

“Yeah, it’s really fucking hard right now. On both of us,” you said with a nod. “But if you think I’m going to let go just because of that, then you don’t know me at all yet, Dean.”

Your frown solidified into a look of determination.

“But goddamn it, you’re gonna learn.”

His mouth fell open a bit, and his soft surprise gave way to shock when you rocked forward, taking his face between your hands. He accepted your hard kiss, the uncharacteristic way you demanded from him, claimed his lips and his tongue, and the frustrated pace of removing each other’s clothes again.

For once, you took control and pushed Dean down to the bed. He let you do it too. It was an electrifying turn on—to have your hands be firm instead of gentle, but still purposeful in how you touched him.

And you did. You straddled his lap, and between fierce kisses, you mapped out his body with your hands. He held you by your hips, but you soon pushed him down onto the bed. With wet, nipping kisses, you burned a path from his neck, down his chest and sternum, down the defined “V” between his hips.

His breathing deepened the further you went, because Christ had it been a long time since anyone but himself had touched him. He supposed you weren’t the only one starving.

Your lips grazed and nipped the inside of his thigh, getting ever closer to where you knew he wanted you. His hand raised to tangle in your hair, but you moved his hand away and trapped it onto the bed. Your challenging gaze met his, and Dean raised his brows.

No touching, unless I say so, you said through the bond. A smirk raised the corner of his lips.

Yes, ma’am, he replied, making you smile. You then renewed your attention to the task at hand. You settled between his legs lowered down, where the object of your focus was standing perfectly at attention. You let your lips graze his dick. Careful touches, and really, a bit teasing. Dean sucked in a breath when your hands joined your lips, just soft caresses along its length, underneath, over its sensitive head. It was both exactly what he wanted and nowhere near enough.

His hand fisted into the pillow behind his head and the comforter underneath him. Your name fell from his lips—both a prayer and a plea. He felt the shape of your smile in a kiss, pressed against his thigh.

I’ve got you, baby, you said. Finally, your lips descended on him and you took as much of his dick as you could into your mouth. Something between a moan and a grunt fell from Dean’s lips as you worked him over, with your hands joining your warm, wet mouth. He itched to touch you, but you were relentless and held his wrist down onto the bed.

With his free hand, he grabbed onto the headboard as his back arched involuntarily, but there was nowhere to go. You had him trapped, and he was exactly where he wanted to be.

But just when he felt that crest of pleasure nearing and thought he was going to see black on the edges of his vision, you let him go with a soft pop. You leaned your arms on his raised knees and wiped your mouth. You looked down at his incredulous face with a mischievous little smile.

Dean made a sound of both shock and frustration as he tried to catch his breath. His head hit the pillow while his hand went to his wildly beating heart.

“Well, that’s just rude,” he uttered. When he was able to speak, that is. You stifled a laugh and moved up to cover that hand on his chest with yours. He flinched, but you were able to offer apologetic kisses. He reluctantly accepted them.

“I’ll make it up to you,” you whispered against his lips. You took his hand and pressed a kiss to the inside of his palm, then brought it to your cheek. Despite the playful, annoyed suspicion in his eyes, he stroked your cheek with affection. He saw your game, and he begrudgingly admired it—and you.

Smiling, you sat back on his bare thighs and brought both of his hands to your body, grazing down your neck to cup your breasts. You sighed as his thumbs brushed over your pert nipples and kneaded the soft flesh.

“Is this for me, or for you?” he teased. You shot him a playful glare. For that, you lowered his hands further down your body and guided his hand to the very wet folds between your legs.

“I’m letting you touch me now,” was your cheeky reply.

Dean smirked, but he sat up and obliged, gathering your wetness with his fingers and stroking your clit with deliberate movements. You shuddered a breath as he slipped a long finger inside you, followed closely by another. All the while, his thumb drew wet circles around your sensitive clit and brought you to the edge of your release.

From that very first night together so long ago, he’d been learning how to play you like a five-string guitar. Tonight was no different, and despite how you’d edged him earlier, he had no qualms about making you come all over his hand.

Your fingers delved into his hair, and you mentally praised him while you caught your breath, resting your forehead on his shoulder. He held you to him as you shook. But after a few moments, he leaned back to look into your eyes.

Through your connection, you felt his playfulness grow and you just knew he was about to say something smartass. But right now, you were still in control. So you stopped his smart mouth with yours and claimed his lips with another deep kiss.

You slipped a hand between your bodies, and this time you took a firmer hold of his dick. It was still a bit wet from your earlier treatment, and you stroked him a few times. His grateful moans sounded in your ear as he gripped your arms tight. You closed your eyes for a second, inwardly preparing yourself, before you sheathed him inside you. You both breathed hard as you adjusted and settled on top of him.

He grabbed a fistful of your hair. “Fuck, baby—”

You nodded, soothing down his back. “I know. Damn, you feel so good.”

You pushed him back down again so you could find the right angle that would serve both of you. Then you started to move over him. Dean dropped his head hard against the bed. To help him out, you gave him something to grab onto and guided his hand to your hip. He squeezed the flesh there, hard enough to leave fingerprint bruises later, you were sure. But the brief pain was a good motivator—it let you know when he was close to his breaking point.

You reached down with your fingers to further part your folds and rub hot circles around your already sensitive clit again. You felt a flutter in your lower belly as that familiar, inexplicable thread of energy within you stuttered; the part of your soul that recognized its equal, its match. The bond hummed and grew hot and pulsing.

Finally, its warmth washed over you.

You gasped and grabbed ahold of Dean’s arms as you almost got lightheaded at the feeling. Dean was going through the same tumble of sensations as he uttered a strangled sound, spilling inside you.

But he had good reflexes; he steadied you, with his arms wrapping around your frame and holding you to him. He eased you over back onto the bed, and then slid out of you.

For a little while, neither of you spoke. The frenzy of your earlier argument had fueled what just happened, but now that tension had dissolved into a hard-won peace.

When he was able to move, Dean reached out to hold the side of your face. He tucked a loose, sweaty strand of hair behind your ear. Your smile for him was soft. You sensed he was thinking, searching for what he wanted to say. So again, you waited, slipping a discarded blanket over your naked body.

“Okay, I think I hear you,” Dean said. “I love you, you know that?”

Your smile grew. He’d repeated the words you confessed to him when he was in the hospital all those months ago. And it was the first time he’d said what he felt for you.

You held a hand by your ear. “What was that?”

Dean’s lips raised into a smirk, but his eyes were soft. He slid an arm underneath you to pull you against his side.

“I love you,” he said, “so damn much.”

“I love you too,” you replied, but not without some exasperation. All this craziness, just to finally get on the same page. You grabbed his face with one hand and squeezed his cheeks. “That's my point.”

You made a sound of frustration before you released him. Dean laughed a bit, closing his eyes. You enjoyed his more carefree smile as you rested against his chest.

This man, you thought, is damn lucky he’s adorable.

He cut into your thoughts dryly, Pretty sure that’s my line, sweetheart.

You rolled your eyes.

At least we made it through our first real fight, you said. In spectacular fashion, I might add.

Yeah, but you played dirty, said Dean.

You just smiled.

The next morning, you and Dean woke up after your dad had presumably left for work. You were grateful. It spared you from the awkwardness of a “morning after” in your father’s presence.

I really need to get my own place.

So you made coffee while Dean made some toast and eggs for breakfast. But he got a call just as he was plating the eggs.

“Yeah, Bobby,” he answered. The more your uncle spoke, the more serious Dean’s expression got. You sensed a flare of his panic and you turned to him in concern. The plate in his hand hit the table with a clatter.

“Where?” Dean said. His tone was sharp and worried. “I’m comin’ now.”

Dean ended the call and abandoned the food to grab his jacket. He explained before you could ask the predictable question.

“Sam went missing this morning on a coffee run,” Dean said. “When Bobby got to the diner to check on him, the whole place had been cleared out, except for the bodies of the brunch crowd.”

You gasped and raised a hand to your mouth in shock. “What happened to Sam?”

Dean’s face became grim and angry as he grabbed his wallet and keys.

“Bobby found sulfur all over the place. He thinks Yellow Eyes took him,” he said. “…I’ve gotta go.”

It was late fall, so you grabbed a coat from the rack and your purse. “I’m going with you.”

Dean halted at the doorway, and that stopped you short behind him. He turned around and gave you a firm look.

“No you’re not, damn it!” he said. “You’re staying here.”

“Are you kidding me?” you said. “The last time you faced this thing, it almost killed you!”

“You’ve got a job, remember?” he pointed out. You shook your head.

“It’s Saturday. I don’t have to be back to work until Monday, upon which I’ll take a couple of sick days if I need to.” Your words were both a warning and a promise. “Just let me help you find Sam. I’m handy with research. You know I can help!”

Dean didn’t like it. He had half a mind to keep arguing with you, but he really didn’t have time for this. He made a sound of aggravation and rubbed a hand over his face.

He then levied a finger at you. “You’re staying in the car. When we get there, you don’t argue with me. You do as I say, got it?”

You nodded. Normally you would take issue with being ordered by your boyfriend, but in the world of dark and evil things, you would follow Dean’s lead.

So you hid a triumphant smile as you locked up your house, then followed him to the Impala.

AN: Whew! Well, then lol. The reader finally gave Dean a piece of her mind (among other things). How'd you like their first date? 😉

Dean definitely gives me Joey vibes from Friends when it comes to sharing food. 😂

But as the chapter title implies, we also dug in a bit on how Dean sees himself vs. how his soulmate sees him.

So a lot of drama this time, but ending on another good ol' cliffhanger. AKA: Where the hell is Sam?

Next up, some action! Heading into 2.21: All Hell Breaks Loose (Pt. 1).

To keep reading: PART 11

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